A Day Of Non Sequiturs
by Hwikek
Summary: Tomo confesses her love for Yomi, and then Yomi did something, which was surprising.


"Yomi."

"Yeah?"

"There's something I need to tell you," said Tomo.

"What is it?"

"I LUVS YOU YOMI!" screamed Tomo.

"I LUVS YOU KAGURA!" Yomi yelled to Tomo.

Tomo and Yomi embraced each other. Then Tomo realized something, something very important, that she had to know. She looked into her friend's eyes.

"Who's Kagura?"

"Yeah," said Chiyo, "Who's Kagura?"

"Yeah," said Osaka, "Who's Kagura?"

"Wait," said Sakaki, "Why don't you know who Kagura is? Not only that, but why was no one surprised that Tomo said she loved Yomi?"

"I've had it on my Facebook for five months now," said Tomo, "get with the program."

"Doesn't this story take place before Facebook was created?" asked Sakaki.

"Obviously not," said Osaka, "I can't believe you would ask such a stupid question."

At that moment Yomi strangled Tomo to death, with a chainsaw.

"Oh my God! That makes no sense whatsoever!" yelled Osaka, "How did a chainsaw just randomly appear in your hands?" _OMGWTFBBQ_!

"I had it beamed down from the Starship Enterprise," said Yomi.

"That show, is not real!" screamed Osaka, "Plus that thing is cordless! How are you supposed to strangle someone to death with an object that has no rope like parts or vices? More importantly why did you strangle someone to death in the first place?"

"Miss Osaka," said Chiyo, "What happened to your Southern accent?"

"I have no idea! I am so confused right now!"

"I think I'm going home," said Sakaki.

"I killed Tomo to death with a chainsaw, because I thought that she needed death by chainsaw!"

"You killed someone to death," said Sakaki, "That doesn't sound stupid at all."

Yomi started to sob uncontrollably at this point. This was also when the author took a break and decided to send the story to a random group of Fan Fiction users. The response was not very positive.

"Oh my God," said AZLuv3r1837, "This is so out of character that it is not funny at all!"

"Oh my God," said Hwikek, "Why is that the only thing I ever seem to hear?"

"Your disrespect for the characters is horrible!" screamed YxT375.

"It's not that I disagree with you," said Hwikek, "so much as that I really don't give a shit."

"Quit writing the first thing that pops into your head!" yelled MIhamaHWJ73Peeps.

"Funny," said Hwikek, "I thought that was what the majority of fan fiction was, guess I was wrong."

"OMG XD!" said HWIFaN117.

"The first time I've seen that," said Hwikek, "And probably the last time too."

"Wait a minute," said Ken Sugimori, "Why haven't you updated Surviving The Dark? Don't you know that people actually like that story…unlike this one?"

"You're supposed to be cool," said Hwikek, "Don't pop up randomly or people will mistake you for a comedy relief sort of character."

"Weren't you going to make spin-offs or your other stories?" asked Neville Samson.

"I don't remember saying that," said Hwikek, "But it does sound like a plan."

"Why dids you writes about menz?" asked Master Chief, "Are u g4y lk arbutrz?

"I'm not gay," said Hwikek, "but Arbiter and DigitalPh33r probably are."

"That r not whut u sed b4s. B4 you was defending those faggots."

"I wasn't serious with my last comment you know."

"Your stories are gay," said Master Chief, "Your probably actually gay."

"Probably actually?" said Hwikek, "That's some good American right there."

"I r from Canada, dubmass."

"Then that's some good Canadian you're speaking."

"What's with your avatar?" said Sgt. Smith, "Why does it look like a keyhole?"

"OMG," said Sora, "WHERE IS THE KEYHOLE? I'M SO SICK OF FRICKING FIGHTING THOSE STUPID THINGS THAT ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR THE FREAKING KEYHOLE!"

"Who is that?" asked Tomo.

"I have no idea," lied Hwikek.

"My profile is cooler than yours," said Yomi.

"Yeah," said Hwikek, "A picture of Edward holding hands with Bella. That is _so_ awesome!"

"What makes yours so special?" asked Dr. Wasanasong.

"It's not, but it is certainly better than the avatar I put up before. That avatar was the words 'I'm so gay' followed by a colon parenthesis [:( ]."

"Ur gay," said Master Chief.

"You're gay."

"Prove it."

"I'd rather not."

"Shut the Hell up," said the Chairman.

"It has been a while hasn't it?" said Hwikek.

"It's been ten minutes."

"Pikachu!" yelled Ash Ketchup, "Kill them all with volt tackle!"

"NO!" yelled Ash Ketchum, "I will stop you and your evil! Pikachu, volt tackle!"

At this point Hwikek sighed and stopped typing. The totally retarded author was completely out of ideas for his mindless story. Sgt. Keroro appeared by his side.

"Did you add in Michael Jackson?" asked the Keronian.

"No, that's my back up plan."

"Well don't," said the green frog-like alien, "Everyone adds in Michael Jackson. If you don't add in that man it will impress people to no end."

"I know what you can do," said Nyamo, "You could 'borrow' someone else's idea."

"Wait," said Hwikek, "I thought you were the good teacher."

"Actually," said Nyamo, "I'm really Yukari." Yukari pulled off her Nyamo mask.

"Why did you sound like Nyamo?"

"I'm a professional hacker."

"Th-that doesn't make any sense at all," said Hwikek, "How would being a professional hacker help you to change your voice?"

"Sam Fisher can do it," said Yukari.

"Yeah, but Sam Fisher is cool. Yukari Tanizaki is not."

"Hells yeah!" said Tomo and Kagura as they high fived.

"That's what I don't get about you," said a smart person, "Tomo is the second worst character in your opinion, yet you always include her as a main character. You think that a Tomo and Yomi pairing is unlikely, yet you keep mentioning it as going to happen in certain stories that you write. It seems as if what you believe and what you say are not linked."

"That's because if I really said what I thought I'd have a story be banned."

"Like Azumanga Daioh: The Political Experiment?"

"Exactly," said Hwikek.

"You also review your own stories, care to elaborate?"

"I just wanted my stories to have more reviews," said Hwikek, "That way people might actually be attracted to them."

"How long are you going to keep whining? I want to use the computer too!" yelled Tomo.

"NO!" yelled Hwikek, "You go to Hell and stay there! If you ever come near my computer, I'll kill you."

"He's an asshole," said Keroro.

"Oh shut up!"

"What's Fan Fiction?"

"Nothing!" yelled Hwikek, "Get off of my computer!"

"Wow," said Natsumi, "This is lame."

"Yeah," said Fuyuki, "And I know everything about being lame!"

"You just dissed yourself," said Natsumi.

"Not again!" yelled Fuyuki.

"Curse you Ash Ketchum!" yelled Ash Ketchup, "One day I will return to deliver vengeance on your ass!"

"What does that word even mean?"

"Come on Ash," said Sakaki, "You're twenty three years old now, you can stop being so politically correct. Don't you ever have urges for beautiful women?"

"I don't have any urges," said Ash, "That's why TV Tokyo allows me to travel with ten year old girls. They know that I'll never do anything illegal."

"But I love you Ash!" yelled Sakaki, "Love me, and give me butt—"

"NO!" yelled Dawn, "ASH PROMISED ME BUTT—!"

"No I didn't."

"I imagined it in my mind!" yelled Dawn, "We would have butt— and then we would get married!"  
"YOU CAN'T HAVE ASH1" yelled Misty, "HE PROMISED ME BUTT—!"

"No I didn't."

"You give me butt— or I will knee you in the fucking balls," said Misty.

"How does Dawn know about butt— anyways?"

"I found Brock's secret stash."

"Now there's a person who needs to stop traveling with ten year old girls," said Ash.

"Wow," said Hwikek, "This is really inappropriate."

"Azu Teen Humor Force, assemble!"

"Not yet," said the Azu Teens, "We're busy trying to keep Sakaki from asking Ash for butt—"

"Can we stop talking about that?" asked Hwikek.

"What are you a prude?" asked Tomo.

"Sure, why not?"  
"I bet you're still a virgin."

"I bet you can help me suck it…. Oh wait that backfired."


End file.
